From Scratch – Adventures in Independent Music Making

Posts Tagged ‘Becoming an Indie Artist’

“Blame” by Julinemo (Creative Commons License 2.0)

There is something hopeful about March. Maybe it’s because the days are getting noticeably longer (Time change. Spring forward). Maybe it’s because I get to open my windows and clear out the dust that settled in over the winter. Maybe it’s because I, myself, start feeling less like that dust. Or maybe it’s because it represents the beginning of a new “year” for me.

September always represented a new school year when I was studying and that is how I planned my life. When I wasn’t in school, my new year was the traditional January new year. Now that I’ve started my music business, March is the most significant marker of new beginnings for me because that’s when Canadian Music Week happens. I volunteered for the conference for the first time last year and was blown away. Being so green in this industry, that conference gave me the insight, guidance and inspiration I needed to plan Dara’s Wedding Tour and the courage to start thinking about my musical endeavours as a true entrepreneurial pursuit. Listening to some of the greatest minds in this field helped foster the courage I needed to say goodbye (at least temporarily) to academia and any notion of pursuing a ‘real career’.

Their speeches (and sometimes debates -remember the Gene Simmons vs Bob Lefsetz face off?) helped me steer away from the quest of being signed to a label. Today, more than not, you’re actually better off being your own boss… if you’ve got what it takes. The industry is changing and the power is with the independent artists. You don’t need a label to have a career in music anymore, but you have to have the guts, determination, and willingness to sacrifice comforts while you’re building it. The conference this year re-confirmed these beliefs for me, but also taught me a lot more.

With a year of this under my belt, I felt like a different person walking into the Royal York. More professional; more focused, with a clearer vision for my career; more able to absorb all the information (and make sense of it); and more able to speak confidently with key players such as Terry McBride, CEO and founder of Nettwerk, who has been my industry idol since hearing him speak last year. I actually had the chance to thank him in person for the hope his talk instilled in me. That in and of itself made my conference. I think he was a little weird-ed out though. It was 8am… and he probably wasn’t expecting that reaction when I looked up from the table and saw his name tag directly across from me. Hahaha. Soon thereafter I apologized for startling him -but seriously, how often does one have the opportunity to talk one on one with these people? Especially the ones you look up to as role models! I couldn’t not thank him.

This past year has been scary … often: Big investments with little financial security and no guaranteed prospects of generating a return; tremendous amounts of soul searching and the struggle to create inner peace during chaos and uncertainty; convincing friends and family that this isn’t a phase or vacation; eventually obtaining their heart-filled and unconditional support; and finally … really … allowing myself to believe I’m allowed to let myself do this.

It’s funny how our heart will guide us to where we belong, if we let it, but our mind will try to keep us in check. Then again … maybe that’s how we know we’re actually doing what is right for us. We wouldn’t need a defense attorney if there was no prosecution.



“Three Trees” by PhotoDu.de (Creative Commons License 2.0)

Whenever someone asks me what kind of music I play, I always pause before answering; a quizzical look fills my face as if it were the first time I had ever thought about the answer. Sometimes it feels that way, because I’ve never known how to communicate my style to people and so every time someone asks me, it always reminds me that I have no clue what the most accurate answer is. Being a person who believes labeling is akin to caging, I’ve naturally resisted putting any real effort into finding a word to label my music with and have enjoyed the mystery of not fitting into one particular genre or another. I’ve always been that way in everything:  In school I never associated myself solely with one group of friends; I don’t have one favourite type of music/food/film/style of clothes; I didn’t train as an athlete in only one sport; and I don’t follow one particular spiritual belief system. My experience in this world has always been choose-your-own-adventure style -never one particular path- and the more I grow, the less conventional I become.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been told my music is “weird” on more than one occasion. Despite priding myself on being a nerd that is a bit of an “odd duck” (a term I was called, affectionately, by my employer when I worked at a hammock factory), on both of those occasions I found myself becoming defensive and insulted. Perhaps because the way they used the term made it sound like my music was bad. It’s hard not to become defensive when your offspring are being attacked. Luckily songs aren’t real children, and mother bear here has become much better at embracing all forms of feedback (it’s all constructive if you let it be). Anyway, I’m going on a tangent (To continue into the bear cave, turn to pg. 101. To go back to the forest path, turn to pg. 76. –okay, so you don’t actually get a choice, this is my adventure and I choose the forest path : )

So I have come to answer the question with “Alternative Pop Rock”. This is the term we settled on for Purl of Surf’s “genre/style”. Not so much because we believed we were a part of this vague category, but because we had to call it something. People just weren’t satisfied with “I don’t know”. One guy actually got angry with us when we were setting up to play our show at the Moonshine Café in Mississauga, ON (Canada). Since we didn’t know what to call our music, he asked us what our influences were/who our idol was. When we responded with “we don’t really have any particular idol and we have a lot of different influences”, he started fuming, accusing us of claiming to be something completely unique (which is not what we were claiming, but heaven forbid it ever exist! *note sarcasm). The bar owner had to intervene. The guy left. Thank goodness! Bad vibes don’t help a performance.

Associating myself with being 50% of Purl of Surf’s songwriting team and continuing to perform the same songs I wrote for the band, it didn’t occur to me that as a solo artist I should consider categorizing myself as anything other than Alt/Pop/Rock, especially since I hate labeling. The unusual thing about Purl of Surf though, was that even though Evan and I wrote the instrumental compositions together, we were two separate songwriters (lyrics and vocal melodies were written separately). So it was like having two solo acts, with slightly different sounds, taking turns playing music for each other during the same set… it sounds like it shouldn’t have, but it worked! As I mentioned, however, we do have different sounds, especially with regards to our vocal styles. Though I love and listen to a lot of alternative music, Evan represented more of the Alt in the Alt/Pop/Rock than I did. I see that now, because Steve was over yesterday and brought up his concern with me calling my music ‘alternative’.

Over the past few months he and I have had a few heated (but constructive) discussions about the image I am presenting and/or am trying to get across in the music videos and the tour journal we have been working on. The problem was that I see my personality (and my music) as being a harmonious blend of light/fun and dark/heavy. Steve didn’t see me as having a dark/heavy side at all. Knowing full well that I did, we butted heads. Beware, you who dare contest to know me better than I do! I am stubborn. I am VERY stubborn when it comes to my newfound sense of integrity (see my last blog: This Week, The Word “Pivotal” Changed My Life).

Through these debates, which at times felt futile and fruitless, an important finding eventually emerged: there is a massive disconnect between who I am and who other people see me as. In reflecting on this theme in terms of my promotional materials, my art, my personal experiences, and the spiritual guidance sessions I had been having casually with my friend Justin (who has been teaching me about energy reading and how to tear down the walls I have been building up over the years), I came to realize that society has trained me to only show my pleasant and cheerful side in public, because anything depressive or aggressive is undesirable and offensive to other people. No wonder I sing songs like Ball & Chain with a smile on my face. WTF?

As a person who is striving to flesh out and release her authentic self unto the world, it is crucial that my “image” represent me accurately, so that what other people believe me to be is consistent with who I actually am. The categorization of my music, unfortunately, is a salient part of my image. Online vendors and networking sites need a genre/style so that they can organize their catalogues, bookers and promoters need to know how to group acts for performances and find appropriate venues, potential consumers/audiences want a bone tossed their way so that they don’t have to visit the MySpace of every band listed in this week’s entertainment directory just so they can find a place that’ll have music they’ll enjoy on Friday night. I am stubborn, but I’m not stupid. I try to pick my battles wisely. As much as I hate it, a label is needed and if I’m going to continue using a label, then it sure as hell better be consistent with my so-called (and, hopefully, genuine) “image” so that I actually identify confidently with it and avoid confusing people when they hear my music. In my perception, the concept of a “Genre” or “Style” to music is like “Theory” to academic research: they are lenses for interpreting information and phenomena. Or in other words, guides for my listeners to make sense of what they are hearing. Now how am I going to guide people to my true self?

First I need to take care of this term “alternative”.  Steve suggested that I have more of a “folk-rock” sound. I argued that profusely. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy folk music and respect folk singers, but the only thing that would make me “folksy” is that I look like a “singer/songwriter” on stage when it’s just me and my bass. My songs aren’t intended to be performed that way though, they are done so out of necessity (until I find the right mix of people for a band, it’s just me out there doing what I can with a bass and some backing tracks). His rationale was that when he gave my music to some pre-teens, they refused to put it on their ipods because it wasn’t hard/edgy enough for it to fit with their playlists. They thought it was too “jazzy”. “Jazzy!”, I said. “Hell yes!” There are definitely jazz undertones in my music, I played oboe in my junior high jazz band (bless Mr Stern’s heart for letting us classical instrumentalists be involved, regardless of the criticism from the pretentious Kawanis Festival judges year after year) “but that’s totally different from folk!”

Bingo! Jazz. I have always included jazz music as being an influence of mine in contemplating my musical style, but I never felt like other people would see it and because I’m not well trained in it (junior high was so long ago, I don’t remember much of what I learned back then and it was a very recreational kind of thing for me anyway), I was afraid that if I officially classified it as being ‘jazz’, people would be disapproving and say that I’m claiming to be something that I’m not. Now that outsiders have picked up on it, I feel like I can finally embrace it with confidence. What’s funny is that in the last 2 weeks, there have been a lot of ‘jazz’ things coming into my life (signs, perhaps?) like a saxophone player from Hamilton who wants to collaborate, being invited to see an experimental jazz performance at MOCCA, unintentionally coming up with lyrics to a jazzy-dance song my guests were playing while I made pancakes in the kitchen, and randomly taking part in a wild musical jam at Chris Cunningham’s birthday party.

So, on the streetcar ride home from work today I started mulling over how jazz fit into my ‘categorization’. Jazzy-Rock? Jazz-Rock? Jazzed-Rock? I like the tense of the latter, it sounds affected, but will it make sense to anyone other than me? Jazz-Rock sounds a bit more legitimate. Let’s Google it to see if it already exists.

Yep: (from Wikipedia) “Fusion or, more specifically, jazz fusion or jazz rock, is a musical genre that developed in the late 1960s from a mixture of elements of jazz such as its focus on improvisation with the rhythms and grooves of funk and R&B and the beats and heavily amplified electric instruments and electronic effects of rock. […]Fusion music is typically instrumental, often with complex time signatures, metres, rhythmic patterns, and extended track lengths, featuring lengthy improvisations. Many prominent fusion musicians are recognized as having a high level of virtuosity, combined with complex compositions and musical improvisation in complex or mixed metres.”

Okay, so I would totally be called a poser if I claimed to be jazz-rock. It sounds more jazz than rock. I’m more rock than jazz. Maybe I should start by looking up “Rock”, since it’s what I feel is the foundation of my musical style.

(Also from Wikipedia) “Rock music is a genre of popular music that entered the mainstream in the 1960s. It has its roots in 1940s and 1950s rock and roll, rhythm and blues, country music and also drew on folk music, jazz and classical music. The sound of rock often revolves around the guitar back beat laid down by a rhythm section of electric bass guitar, drums, and keyboard instruments such as organ, piano, or, since the 1970s, synthesizers. Along with the guitar or keyboards, saxophone and blues-style harmonica are sometimes used as soloing instruments. In its “purest form”, it “has three chords, a strong, insistent back beat, and a catchy melody.””

This is sounding more like me. They list a bunch of different types of rock, some I’ve never heard of before.

folk rock – we know this is a no

blues-rock – not me either

jazz-rock fusion – now I know I’m not jazz enough for this one

soft rock – maybe? … some of my songs. I need something that represents all of my music though.

glam rock – hahaha

heavy metal – not even close

hard rock – closer, but I’m not that bad ass yet

progressive rock – heard OF it, but not sure what it actually means. Have to look into this one.

punk rock – love it, but no.

new wave – not really sure what this is

hardcore punk – nope

alternative rock – sorta, but not really.

grunge – oh grunge. I miss those days.

Britpop – not that I’m aware of

indie rock – hmmmmm this one might be it.

nu metal. – metal? Yah, no.

Okay, so that narrows my research down to: progressive rock, new wave, and indie-rock. Back to Wikipedia:

1) Progressive Rock?

“Form: Progressive rock music either avoids common popular music song structures of verse-chorus-bridge, or blur the formal distinctions by extending sections or inserting musical interludes, often with exaggerated dynamics to heighten contrast between sections.” - I don’t avoid popular music song structures, but I do extend sections and insert musical interludes.

“Rhythm: Progressive rock generally tends to be freer in its rhythmic approach than other forms of rock music. The approach taken varies across different works but may range from regular beats (such as 4/4) to irregular or complex time signatures (such as 9/8).” – hmmmm, I don’t think that’s me. Correct me if I’m wrong

“Melody and Harmony: In progressive rock, the blues inflections of mainstream rock are often supplanted by jazz and classical influences. Melodies are […] more likely to comprise longer, developing passages than short, catchy ones.” – yes to the former, no to the latter

“Texture and imagery: Ambient soundscapes and theatrical elements may be used to describe scenes, events or other aspects of the concept.” – Ball & Chain has rain and thunder … does that count?

This one sounds pretty close

2) New Wave? – Turns out to be an extension of punk, so no.

3) Indie-Rock? – Once again, many sub-genres:

lo-fi – not intentionally

post-rock – what is this? I’ll look it up

sadcore – I’m not only sad

C86 – huh?

math rock – sounds too purposefully technical. I don’t know enough theory for math rock.

shoegaze/dream pop – meh

indie pop – getting away from the whole rock thing here, aren’t we?

noise rock – I’m not noisey enough

noise pop – ditto

riot grrrl – grrrr :  ) what is this?

post-hardcore – nope

twee pop – twee? Is that a word?

alt-country – definitely not country.

post-punk revival – punk again, no.

garage rock revival – no garage

dance-punk – not really dance music.

indie folk – no folk

baroque pop – not classical

indietronica.- not electronic

Alright, progress! Now we’ve got Post-Rock, Riot Grrrl, and C86. Wikipedia-me, please.

Riot Grrrl ? – is feminist punk. I certainly do have a feminist side, but not really a punk side. Sounds like fun though, I’m definitely going to listen to some of the bands they have listed while I write this. Bikini Kill is pretty cool!

C86 ? – “evolved into shorthand for a guitar-based musical genre characterised by “jangly” guitars and fey melodies” – what the heck does fey mean? : “1. Having or displaying an otherworldly, magical, or fairylike aspect or quality. 2. Of excitement that presages death” (dictionary.com)… yikes. It’s scary but I kind of identify musically with that … but my music is not guitar based … and I don’t think it would be considered ‘jangly’ either. I could be wrong.

Post Rock? – “is a genre of rock music characterized by the use of musical instruments commonly associated with rock music, but using rhythms, harmonies, melodies, timbre, and chord progressions that are not usually found in rock tradition. It is the use of “rock instrumentation” for non-rock purposes.”  – What is this beautiful creature I have found??? Could it be the one?! How have I never heard of this before?!!! I can’t claim that I’m not using rock instrumentation for non-rock purposes 100% of the time, but songs like Ball & Chain are not traditional rock, so I think this applies to my less ‘pop-rocky’ songs.

“The post-rock sound incorporates characteristics from a variety of musical genres, including ambient, jazz, electronica, and experimental.^[3] The traditional method of power chords is replaced with timbre and texture for guitar-play while the song and voice is abandoned by its ambience. The rebellious overtones of rock as we remember it is no longer the theme for post-rock groups. In fact, utilizing dub reggae, hip hop, and rave, post-rock manages to create an androgynous and softer means of subversion.” – hmmmm, so the vocal thing might be a problem, but definitely jiving with the softer means of subversion thing.

“The clubs were also a response to the emergence of a new post-rock vibe where musicians escaped musical genre labels and traded ideas.” – Did it just say that?!!! Escaping musical labels? My soul mate!!!

“Post-rock compositions often make use of repetition of musical motifs and subtle changes with an extremely wide range of dynamics.” – Whooo!! Dynamic and contrast are at the forefront of my personal musical philosophy.

“Typically, post-rock pieces are lengthy and instrumental, containing repetitive build-ups of timbre, dynamics and texture.” – I can see this in songs like Ball & Chain, Jack and Jill, and others that have not been released.

“Vocals are often omitted from post-rock; however, this does not necessarily mean they are absent entirely. When vocals are included, the use is typically non-traditional: some post-rock bands employ vocals as purely instrumental efforts and incidental to the sound, rather than a more traditional use where “clean”, easily-interpretable vocals are important for poetic and lyrical meaning.^[3] When present, post-rock vocals are often soft or droning and are typically infrequent or present in irregular intervals. Sigur Rós, a band known for their distinctive vocals, fabricated a language that critics call “Hopelandic” (Vonlenska in icelandic, a term even used by the band), which has been described by the band as “a form of gibberish vocals that fits to the music and acts as another instrument.”^[34]” – Yay! I totally use gibberish! For example, the ya-de-di’s in Ball & Chain and hey-ya-hi’s. This is so exciting! Though my vocals are not exclusively non-traditional, I do employ this vocal-texturing intentionally, so I think that counts, even if I’m not a post-rock purest, I am definitely post-rock to some degree.

“However, in lieu of typical rock structures in the vein of “verse-chorus-verse”, post-rock groups generally make greater use of soundscapes. As Simon Reynolds states in his “Post-Rock” from Audio Culture, “A band’s journey through rock to post-rock usually involves a trajectory from narrative lyrics to stream-of-consciousness to voice-as-texture to purely instrumental music”.^[35]” – Okay, so I do both. I use typical rock structures, but I also use vocal soundscapes (the ya-de-di’s, etc. which up until now I have been calling ‘vocalization’, as I lacked knowledge of an official term.)

Okay, so my tone closely aligns with it, but my song structure is not purely post-rock (prominent vocals being the major difference). That’s alright. We’ve got something legitimate to work with here. Maybe I should listen to some post-rock artists to get a better idea for the sound.

Cul de sac (90s-now) http://allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=11:r9g9kett7q7n I’m not as experimental as them, but definitely feeling it.

Tortoise (90s-now): http://allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=11:kxfoxqe5ldde also not as experimental as these guys, but instrumentally more similar.

Vessels (2005-now) http://vesselsband.com/vidsmusic/ Yes!!! I definitely feel a musical kinship here AND they use understandable vocals!! (sometimes … check out the “Yuki” video)

The biggest difference I’m seeing is that my music is generally lyric driven (I usually start with the lyrics and add the music to them) and so the vocals are often the driving force behind the tunes. Songs like “Jack and Jill” and “This Song”, where the music came first, are definitely more post-rock. Ball & Chain feels post-rock. This is actually really cool, because I have been wanting to expand on the instrumental composition of my songs (like rise and shine, which is really short) and make them more experimental. Eeeeee!!!! I have a family now! I might be the weird 3^rd cousin that never quite fits in during the annual family reunion bbq, but at least now I have a home I know I belong to, whether they like it or not! I didn’t think I would be getting so excited over this.  Hahaha.

It is clear that I am not purely Post-Rock though, so I am not going to claim to be. I need to figure out the rest of the puzzle before I hang it on the wall. I’m not Brittany Spears, but I do have pop structure and songs like Whisper, Still, and Rise and Shine have a pop-rock feel to them, so I’d only be trying to fool myself if I said pop wasn’t still a part of the mix. Post-Rock Pop … something’s missing. JAZZ! But where? The first and last words are the strongest (most remembered) and thus should signify the most prevalent and important styles. Post-Rock should go first, it’s like the first author, the inaugurator. I definitely sound more pop than jazz, so … Post-Rock Jazz Pop!!!  And it has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Hmmm what about “Jazzed”, I really liked that. Post-Rock Jazzed-Pop? What do you think? I can’t decide if it’s corny or not.

So, in my mind I feel I’m 50% Post-Rock, 40% Pop, 10% Jazz

How would you break it down? I put up a poll on my facebook wall. You can view the results here.

What do you think? Am I completely off my rocker? Am I actually closer to Progressive Rock and just getting caught up in the romantic idea of Post Rock?  Did I miss something important in my research? I don’t want to make the official ‘label’ switch until I get some feedback. Maybe I should ask some post-rock artists. What a great idea! Go right to the source! I’ll post their opinions as well as yours.

“Merry-Go-Round” by Noe** (Creative Commons License 2.0)

I was sitting on my friend, Chad’s couch today. The same couch I slept on every night for about 4 months when I first moved to Toronto last year -except now it’s in a new apartment. He is on vacation this week and had invited me over to hangout and talk about my business in music was going. With Chad not being a musician, I thought it strange that he would bring it up so specifically and intently, as if he had something in particular he wanted to say. It turns out he did. To my surprise, Chad seems to know more about being an artist than a lot of artists I know … myself included. How did I live with him for 4 months and never learn this??? Oh right, because back then I was still full of delusion, putting all of my energy into trying to find a ‘real’ job and only playing the occasional open mic night. How the tables have turned in one year. Still a bit delusional though! Hahaha I think that comes with the territory.

What Chad had wanted to talk about stemmed from the recent performances he had attended. Even when I lived in Hamilton, Chad and Adrienne (his sister and my dear friend, whom –if we were lesbians- I claim I would marry) were very devout supporters. They have seen the before, the transition, and the present (I can’t say after, because I’m definitely not there yet! Hahaha) on all levels, which of course means they have seen the ugly along with the good. Thankfully, I can always turn to them for an honest opinion. Especially Chad, who is “no BS” about anything and not afraid to say what he’s really thinking. Though, that doesn’t mean he’s void of compassion! You can see it in his face, a sense of empathy, when he knows the truth is going to sting a bit. But he tells you, because it matters. (Ladies, if you’re looking for a man with a good, strong heart, as well as an opinion, he is currently available. If you’re interested, I can arrange for  … oh wait, I shouldn’t be writing this, he’s probably reading … (call me! We can make it look like you just happened to be knocking on the wrong door as he’s arriving home from work. Yes! He’s employed too! Bonus!)). Anyway, I am in the music business, not match making, and Chad had picked up on something very interesting about the crowds I have been drawing and the people that tend to talk to me after my sets:

They are almost exclusively young males.

Now, I have not been oblivious to this. When Myspace came out with statistics for viewership and plays, I was surprised to find that ~75% of the myspace users who visit my site are males between the ages of 13-34. Mind you, a lot of my friends on Myspace are bands and (from my experience) most people in bands are male, so it wouldn’t be a fair assessment to say that my art appeals mainly to young men, though my fan/friendbase would also suggest it. The point is, at least at the local level, if it’s mostly guys coming out to my shows, it might not be because they actually like the music. More importantly, the feedback I do receive following a performance may not be honest.

I can see his point.

Do you know how many times I’ve heard “bass chicks are hot!” after a performance? Almost every time. Do you know how many times I’ve been ripped a new one by someone who saw a show/heard my recordings and hated it? Once. And it was a female. That story could fill an entire newsletter, so I’ll leave it with you as being a very grounding experience that ended on a positive note with a mutual respect for each other. Don’t get me wrong. That doesn’t mean that I want to receive frequent rippings of new ones. But as an artist who embraces unfavourable criticism (but infrequently receives it), it leaves me wanting to know what my friends/fans really think about my music and live shows, because I’m still so young as a musician. That doesn’t mean I’m going to go and change everything I’m doing just because someone didn’t like something I said or did, I insist on maintaining my integrity, BUT … being faced with opinions that challenge the actions/decisions I have made, forces me to think from new angles which may result in change. Or it may simply result in me developing a better/stronger rationale for doing what I did in the first place and continuing with it. Both constitute growth in my books. That’s really what I’m looking for and that’s what Chad gave me as I sat on that so familiar couch and we continued to discuss my weaknesses during performances, approaches to artistic discovery, becoming too paranoid about the ‘business’ side of things, and fleshing out a more definite understanding of what my passion really is and represents to me. All these things I have struggled a lot with in my isolated, over-thinking mind during the past year, but never with the kind of clarity and progress as when I was talking with Chad this afternoon. It’s amazing what happens when you get out of your head and bounce things off another human being who really cares about your life.

So I put it to you. After reading this letter (if you’ve made it this far, I know it’s a long one!), if there is anything you’ve ever thought about my music or performances that you’ve bit your tongue on, unleash the demon! I want to find out what it will bring out in me.

… and ladies …. Think: Chad!

That would have been such a great line to end on, but I forgot to tie my message back to the title of this newsletter. I’ve been thinking a lot about words lately. Not in terms of songwriting, but in terms of how they impact my perceptions of reality. Last week ‘integrity’ was the word that rocked my world when I discovered that all my life I have been associating its meaning with what society deems ‘acting with integrity is’. Like: not becoming a stripper. “Those girls have no integrity”, they say. Hell, I’ve said it! But isn’t that a complete contradiction of the word? Integrity comes from the word ‘integral’, which means ‘from within and of the self’ (that’s not a dictionary definition, btw, I’m just drawing from my memories of university lectures). If stripping is something that an individual instinctually desires pursuing and they pursue it and are proud of it … isn’t THAT integrity? Don’t worry Mum, stripping isn’t something integral to me :  ) but I’m going to stop wasting my time with things that require me to act out of someone else’s integrity now.

This week was ‘pivotal’. I have always associated the word pivotal with meaning ‘important’ or ‘critical moment’, which CAN be related. But now, as I think about it (albeit without ever looking up the word in the dictionary), what it means to me is: standing in the same place, but looking in a new direction. That is where I am and that is going to change my life this week.